THE DIVORCE SONG

OF

J. ALFRED FRUGALFROCK

When you are gone
My Love, and O Gangrene & Th'other gossips
tell Thee I am glad--Believe them

not:

Though we, my love, be with each other through
I am still suffering because of you--True!

Advice To Save A Marriage (proven 100% effective):

"Become somebody else." If you stay yourself it'll
go down Th'tubes. Charlet Anne--Don't you remember
(the first time I ever laid eyes on you ... during

a performance of Push Any's "Manon? Let's go!" Was
it?) --My very first words to you: "Excuse me, but

are you an indian, or a very ugly woman?" because
Th'lights were dim--Had I seen clearly your pearly
teeth & platinum hair, your emerald eyes! and ruby
lips: I'd've given you up on the spot for being so

precious! --No! waiter, I didn't order cognac! ...
I ordered brandy! I don't want no cognac! It gives

me heartburn! ... And I'd thought I'd suddenly been
transformed into a being more attractive to things

but it turned out to be only static cling/Love can
be deadly (I was reading the other day about a man
who was injured when a tractor flipped over him) &

NOW you're asking me for a divorce!? Did you eat-?

O, when Th'petty people or The Really Big

suggest I am a rich old prig (having lost O
you: insatiable pig!... meal-ticket I was only)

to you: It is a lie!

Because of you, my love (and what is to you due)
I'm now so poor I've had to hock my heart (tattoo)--True!

& my grandfather, who came to America with but one
single possession (a pickaxe: He figured he'd wait
until it got dark, axe himself a chunk of O golden

sidewalk from outta side-alley somewhere/pack't in
a sack & head back home a rich man/he gave the job
a couple-a-days tops--Forty years later he retired
from ditch-digging on 300 bucks-a-month Social Se-
curity--& he was one of the lucky ones/who made it

to 65), so: you see, my dear, we have earned every
penny we've got---Do you realize O how many things
have lived? How many eyes have looked on our lies!

Believe me: my Credit Rating's so low you'd have't
go to China to find the hole it fell through, babe

I was lucky to qualify for The Bushy Eyebrow Group
Insurance Plan or I'd be out in Th'cold/Talk about

bad luck: Even the authenticity of my da Vinci was
put in question when some jerk pointed out O one'o
Christ's disciples was wearing a beret forgodsakes

--Don't order THAT, my lovely, you are what you IT
you know--You got some of that Kook-a-Cola? Waiter

what say: I'll feast today & you can starve later:

Th'Horn'O Plenty has not yet opened so wide

(as your mouth) my Love--You're not really gonna go through
with the suit, are you?... For thine own sake:

Of me keep e'er so off:

Disease, my love, needs a good healthy body (new)
--to feed on--And I am famished----True!